Life changes never come with an easy transition. The events of the past few days sure make this evident. A few folks are mad at me because of the move I'm making. A few different folks are mad at me because a certain person's agenda has me atop her hit list. Whatever. Getting angry is a sure fire way to make things worse. My last two posts that were deleted attest to this. Anyway, I have things to do. Packing of books and those belongings I'll be taking to LA with me begins this week. I have an exhibit running at the Collingwood that runs through December and the final group shoot I host before I leave at the end of December. The book project I started working on in July is finally reaching fruition. I set a minimum page count of 108 pages and finishing it while attempting to negotiate grad school was way difficult. When the project was in its initial stages, Katie had offered to write the introduction for me. The idea of framing a book of 108 pages of models with black tape on their mouths poses some interesting challenges.
My writing of late has been more raw and a bludgeon than anything else. It transfers over into how I function socially. I know other photographers who pretty much shoot the same subject matter as me who look for the spiritual energy of their subjection in motion. I'm looking point blank at the raw and visceral. I'm one of those guys who is always wondering what's on the woman's mind. Insecurity? Yeah. It's also fair to state that those times that information is divulged, you might not like the answer.
The past is a pebble in my shoe. I've been given sage advice too many times to count and my ignoring it has led to nothing but pain. "TMI." "Don't shit where you work.." "Your wealth is your friends." "The measure of a person is how they deal with their loneliness." When I plunge forward disregarding these things, I pay for it. I'm of the mind to disregard the drama of this weekend except for how some folks who I did regard highly responded to it. I'm an odd duck. I can feel lonely in a crowd but am sincere in my love and loyalty to my friends - the real ones. They cringe when I get emotastic in public forums. Can't say that I blame them. I'm clinically depressed and should have attempted to find a way to continue being treated for it when I was separated from my job. I didn't. That's on me. Drinking aggravates the problem, and that's on me too. It doesn't matter that I don't do it that often. It matters that almost every time I do it, it ends badly. So, happiness comes in creation and interpretation. This, ultimately, is what is fueling the move to LA - this and the fact it will be the first time I can afford to make the move. It's time to find some new solutions to some old problems. The plan for LA is to hit the ground running creating.
"Friendship is dirty. Bathe often." My friend Andi said this. So true. As I said, my friends know me. They know I respect women and my models in particular. I've been doing this for a while, and it's why I can shoot with pretty much who I want when I want. Emo rants in public forums do not equate to me wanting to fuck my models. In over five years of shooting, I've never attempted to date or made one sexual advance to a model I've worked with. I'm kind of shy socially as well as having a healthy respect for the process of creation. It's easy for someone who has an agenda and an axe to grind against you to play connect the dots with unrelated items and make a case against you. The axe to grind was simply based on the fact that I was making no secret of my distaste of her use and abuse of a friend of mine. I was attempting to call her on it on the night in question. The lesson learned is not to engage in pointless battles for friends unless they ask you to. Another lesson learned is not to get into a battle with someone who will do anything and say anything to defame your character. I've said enough about this. The intrawebs and the community we work in are interesting institutions. I don't get out and about enough on line or socially to spread the word as she does. People are going to believe what they believe. Her fanboys can call me a GWC all they wish, although I am a bit sad that a model or two who have met me and should know better have been left with negative impressions of me.
So, onward and upward to LA and expanding my horizons.
P.S. When I finally have the courage to ask a woman out on a date or proposition one, y'all will be the first to know. It won't be a model.
Oh, and the images above are all from my "Submission and Noise" exhibit hanging at the CAC. It's a good reminder as to why I created this blog - to showcase my work and my thoughts on it. No more, no less.
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